


Prostitution Is The World's Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am A Professional)

by siskybusiness



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Skyhill (Band), Starbomb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prostitution, F/M, Falling In Love, On the Run, Pimp AU, Protectiveness, dan is a PIMP YALL, im so sorry, prostitution (except like.... You know... Its not.. as bad), takes place in 80s
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-28 22:24:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11427441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siskybusiness/pseuds/siskybusiness
Summary: "The time has come for your devotion.."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while blasting cobra starship and contemplating my life at 7am.
> 
> this is ABSOLUTELY based off the song "the church of hot addiction" by cobra starship. 
> 
> also, the title is a cobra starship song.
> 
> anyways, I'm sorry. this is kinda fucked up but uh. Enjoy?

Lost.

You were completely lost. You didn't know how long you had been on the run.

Three days maybe?

There was no food. No water. You were stranded in the middle of the desert, trying to escape home.

You were forced into a marriage by your family's local church. Weeks after the marriage ceremony, your asshole of a husband claimed you were a witch after he found your oils in some cabinet.

Was it so bad that you cared for your skin?

After the church found out, you hid well in a good friend's basement, hearing rumors that you were to be staked in front of hundreds.

The only option you had was to run. Escape from death. Leave Utah.

Which is exactly what you did.

Your legs were completely sore. When you finally saw a lit up building, your legs nearly gave out.

It was surprising to find a place in the middle of a desert.

You weren't sure where you were, actually. Was it still even a desert? It was too dark to tell.

At this point, you had to be near Nevada.

Possibly in Nevada, if you were lucky.

Dragging your legs across the ground, you finally made it in front of a huge white building.

You then noticed that there were a ton of cars near the building.

Holy shit.

How'd you miss this?

You needed help right away. You read the sign in front of the door: The Church of Hot Addiction, flashing in red lights.

Uh... What the hell?

It seemed kind of like a club. Maybe. You could hear loud music blasting from inside.

Curiously, you tried to open the front doors.

They were locked.

Maybe there was a side?

You walked around to the side of the building, finding that there was indeed a side door.

Except, there was a masked man standing in front of it.

What the he- wait. Was this some sort of... bouncer?

Everything clicked in the moment. This definitely was a club.

You nervously walked up to the guy, who stood there, firmly crossing his arms.

You realized that he was dressed as a ninja.

Great. Totally not weird.

The man stared you down as you got closer to him.

You could see from the lights around the building that his eyes were an icy blue.

He was intimidating.

"Hey, uh, I'm lost," You started to explain while his eyes pierced your soul.

He didn't respond.

A few moments later, he unchained the velvet rope that was covering the door, allowing you to enter.

Well, that was kind of helpful.

You slowly walked in, looking around the club. It was dark inside with colorful flashing strobe lights gracing the exotic dancers that performed in the front of the room.

Men whooped and hollered at the ladies, tossing money, as others were dancing on the dance floor to the pop music.

Then there was you: some girl, in a ruined white dress, barefoot. You hadn't showered and you absolutely felt like death.

You looked around, trying to pinpoint a trustworthy looking person so you could ask for help.

You pushed your way through the crowds, trying to find a bartender.

You could trust bartenders, right?

You tried to find your way until you came across a huge group in the middle of the room.

Girls who were half naked, and some fully nude crowded around some guy who stood in the center.

You made your way closer to get a closer look.

The man was around seven feet tall. His hair was dark brown and outrageous.

He stood confidently, in a sparkly blue spandex suit, with a red cane to hold him up. His platform shoes were silver and equally as sparkly as his outfit.

He looked like he came out of some hair metal band.

His makeup covered eyes fell on you and his arm raised to point you out...

Wait, you?

The man raised his voice right when you started to feel ringing in your ears.

The music faded away slowly and your vision blurred. Your body collapsed in the middle of the floor.

Everything went black.

 


	2. Chapter 2

You weakly opened your eyes, being introduced to the bright sunlight, which then stung. It stung really badly, in fact.

You squeezed your eyes shut and rubbed them, so you could get used to your surroundings.

How long had you been knocked out? Where even were you?

Your eyes opened again and you took the chance to observe.

You were laying in a queen sized bed in an average sized room.

The walls had a floral print and there were windows on the left side of the room.

The blankets of the bed were pale blue with yellow stripes and the pillows matched it.

On the side of the bed, there was a night stand which was holding a pink lamp, that was turned off.

In the front of room, there was a small desk with a telephone, notepad, and a small television set.

You threw your legs out of the bed, noticing that you were still dirty and in the same white dress that you had been wearing since you left.

However long ago that was.

You stood up, unsure of where to go. It was obvious you didn't know where the hell you were. The last place you could remember was that strange club.

The Church of Hot Addiction?

Weird.

You walked to the door and tried to open it without being caught by anyone.

The door creaked as you pulled it open. You slid out of the room, closing the door behind you.

You looked around the hall which had white walls and some vintage photos hanging up.

Immediately, you stopped dead in your tracks as you noticed a man standing at the end of the hallway.

He had bright blue eyes and peppered hair. His arms were crossed, reminding you of that guy from the club.

"Daniel, the girl's awake." The man blandly called out, as he stared at you.

Your eyes widened. Who's Daniel?

Shortly, another man with wild curly hair appeared and he was much taller than the first man that was there.

He was wearing a blue jumpsuit with a red shining Star of David on the torso with sparkly bell bottoms and silver metallic platform shoes.

Was this... was this the same guy from the club?

Everything was nearly coming back to you.

The man took a long look at you before opening his mouth.

"Get Suzy to clean her up and bring her some fresh clothes, then bring her downstairs." He demanded.

The shorter guy nodded quickly before the flamboyant man disappeared.

Well, that was strange. At least you could finally get to shower.

"Follow me," The first man directed. You nodded, following his lead. He walked down the hall, into another one and knocked on the door.

Quickly, the door opened, revealing a beautiful woman who wore dark makeup and a black dress.

"Is she awake?" She asked, earning a nod from the man you stood next to.

"Alright, bring her in," The woman said as she opened her door wider. The man lightly nudged you into her room before leaving.

She closed the door behind you and walked to one of the wooden dressers in front of the room.

"What's your name?" She politely questioned as she looked inside of the drawers.

"____," You paused. "What's yours?" You thought quickly.

"Suzy," The woman smiled at you and looked up.

"Uh, is it okay if I ask you some questions?" You asked, wanting to investigate the situation you were currently in.

She bit her lip and stood up, holding what you assumed were your new clothes.

"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to answer much, but I'll do my best." Suzy responded.

You nodded, following her into the bathroom as she turned on the bath.

"You might just want to wash off with a cloth for a second in the shower and sit in the tub. You took a pretty hard fall last night and I'm afraid you might be sore," She expressed her concerns, helping you take your dress off.

Oh. So you passed out in the club the night before. And she was there. That answered a lot of questions.

She handed you a clean cloth and some soap. "There's shampoo and conditioner in there as well. Be quick though, you don't want your bath getting cold." Suzy stopped, trying to remember something.

"I'll stay in here as well, so you can ask questions later, alright?"

You nodded, walking to the glass shower in the corner of the giant marble bathroom.

You stepped in and turned the knob to the hottest setting. The hot water felt incredible against your dirt covered skin. Water ran against your body and you could see the dirt sliding off.

After a few minutes, your hair was completely drenched. You took the bottle of shampoo and lathered it in your hands before scrubbing it in your hair. It then washed off, allowing you to condition as well.

Your hair felt soft and clean after rinsing off the remaining conditioner. You grabbed your cloth and soaked it in the hot water. Then, you took the soap and proceeded to scrub the cloth against every single one of your body parts.

You hadn't had a good shower in a while.

Everything washed off, and you turned off the shower, grabbing your towel and stepping out onto the mat.

"Just in time! Your bath is ready," Suzy smiled, sitting on a chair that was right next to the door

"Thank you," You mumbled as you sank into the tub. The water was warm. It smelt like lavender and there were rose petals and bubbles decorating the water.

You closed your eyes and relaxed as the warm water soothed your aching muscles.

God. How long had you been walking?

Questions.

Your eyes opened immediately.

That's right. You were allowed to ask questions.

"What state are we in?" You asked all of a sudden.

Suzy's eyes widened. "Woah.. sweetie, we're near Las Vegas. Where are you from?"

Fuck. You made it out of state. You felt a sigh of relief come out of your mouth.

"I'm from Parowan, Utah. I've been walking from there for like. I don't know. The past week," You swallowed.

"Why?" She was interested in you.

"Uh." You weren't sure how to explain.

"Well, you see, I'm from a very religious family, and I was in a forced marriage. My husband found my facial oils and claimed I was a witch, so we got divorced and everyone at my church wants to... burn me at stake. So I had to escape," You explained.

The woman in front of you covered her mouth and gasped. "Oh my god! I am so sorry," She was appalled at your story.

You shrugged. "At least I'm not dead," You sighed staring off into the water.

You felt Suzy look at you as you sat in the bath.

"Daniel wants to talk to you. I'm sure he thinks you're here for something else though," Suzy sighed, looking at the door.

"Who is Daniel?" You carefully asked, remembering the man with the curly mane.

"He's... I'm sure he'll explain it to you." She cut herself off.

"Long story short, he and my husband are everyone's boss. The man who brought you in here was Brian. He's kind of our... look out, y'know?"

You nodded, trying to pin faces and their names together.

There were two knocks at the door.

"Daniel wishes to speak to the girl soon," A man's voice was heard on the other side of the door.

"Okay!" Suzy called out. She stood up and grabbed your towel. "Time to go," She muttered as she helped you out of the tub.

You got up and dried yourself off with the towel once again.

She gave you a simple black back slip dress that reached to your mid thigh and matching lace panties.

You brushed your hair thoroughly and used the mouth wash on the sink to rinse your mouth.

Suzy lead you out of the bedroom and room, downstairs to Daniel.

There he was, sitting on a white couch with champagne and luxurious items. There were tons of stacks of money lying around and there were men sitting and counting it.

You just now realized that this was a mansion.

Must be a wealthy guy. Clearly, by the amount of money the men were counting.

"Well, hello," Daniel smiled, grabbing your hand and planting a kiss on it.

He motioned you to sit on the white recliner next to the couch. You took a seat, and Suzy sat down next to Daniel.

"What's your name?" Daniel asked, leaning closer into you.

"____." You spat. He was intimidating.

"____," The man repeated. "Now tell me, why did you come up into my club last night looking like a lost kitten?"

Daniel clicked his tongue as he swam into your eyes. It felt as he was hypnotizing you.

"I-I actually was lost," You swallowed, tightening your grip against the armrest.

Daniel put a finger over his lips, thinking.

"Where are you from, kitten?" He questioned.

"Parowan," You bit your lip. The man chuckled, grabbing a golden flask and taking a swig from it.

"Ah. So you're a religious baby, are ya?" He read you like a book.

"Yes, sir," You softly confirmed, not liking how you were referred to as religious. Religion ruined your life.

"And you ran away from it yes? Only to end up at The Church of Hot Addiction," A wicked smirk plastered across his face.

You slowly nodded, suddenly feeling vulnerable to this man.

"Now, ____, it seems that you haven't got a clue as to what we do here." Daniel leaned back and folded his arms.

You responded by shaking your head. Daniel chuckled once again.

"As you see, I run The Church of Hot Addiction with Suzy's husband, Arin. I own a group of girls who, let's just say, do sexual favors for men in the city. They make hundreds of thousands, and you might be interested," Daniel tapped his chin, leaning against the arm rest of the couch.

You felt heat rise to your body as you swallowed. You weren't interested at all, but you liked the thought of money.

There was an issue though: you were a virgin.

"Do we have a problem here?" He noticed your face fall.

"I'm a virgin, sir," You quietly admitted.

"Oh, kitten!" Daniel loudly exclaimed, frightening you.

"That's incredible! Do you know how much that'll make us?" Daniel asked.

"No sir," You confessed.

"It could make us millions! Men around here are desperate for fresh ones," The man smiled, standing up.

"Suzy, take my credit card and car and take ____ shopping for clothes. Kitten, your job starts soon. Be on the look out." Daniel announced and left the room.

In all honesty, you were terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS UPDATED!!! I have so many ideas for this, Im truly excited. Currently, I'm on vacation right now and I'll be back home at the end of this month, so I will be regularly updating! Thank u for the patience!!! And as always, leave suggestions, feedbacks, critiques, and/or hate mail


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